The Unglamorous Reality of Vanlife (All the Dirty Details)

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Vanlife sucks sometimes. I’m not going to sugar coat it. You envision crafting a stunning tiny home that’s both cozy to sleep in and comfortable to live in. You plan on cooking gourmet healthy meals, exploring in the sunshine, & retiring to your van parked on a cliffside for sunset so you can wake up to scenic views.

Well, I hate to break it to you….that’s not the reality of vanlife.

& before you jump on the bandwagon and convert a camper for yourself you should know what you’re getting yourself into.

Unfortunately, I’m here to shatter your fairytales and give you the nitty-gritty on what the reality of vanlife is like. All the messy, sweaty, dirty, sandy, & damp details.

But maybe first you should read about all the wonderful benefits of vanlife. Just to keep things in perspective.

1. It’s going to rain. Sometimes a lot.

Rain sucks. It basically shuts down all exploring possibilities. No hiking, no window-shopping, no town exploring. & suddenly that roomy van you painstakingly crafted is small. Really fucking small.

Especially if you’re sharing it with your significant other.

I hope you enjoy sitting on the bed looking at each other for days on end as your sole source of entertainment.

If you can survive vanlife with your partner you can make it through anything. It’s like how travel tests a relationship, tough travel that is, like when we got stuck in India during COVID or when we trekked through the night in god-awful conditions because one of us REALLY wanted to see the sunrise at Mt. Ijen.

2. & with rain comes leaks.

If your like us & convert your own camper-van, you’re probably not starting with a brand new vehicle. And old things leak. During the first rainstorm our van sprung not one but three leaks.

If you think vanlife is uncomfortable and damp before leaks just imagine when you have a mini-waterfall coming in your roof vent & water oozing in your door cracks.

3. This brings me to repairs.

Let’s see… we’ve had the leaks, door paneling falling down, leaking plumbing under the sink–twice (why is it always leaks), & a few mistakes when converting our camper-van that needed fixed along the way. Things are always breaking.

I swear it’t not just us either, this is a universal vanlife problem.

That’s not even considering the mechanical repairs. New fuel pump ($500) when our van suddenly decided she didn’t want to start, new fuel pump gasket seal when she started leaking gas all over NYC streets, new alternator because the old one wouldn’t charge our batteries ($150) and of course our faulty transmission we had replaced after her maiden voyage ($$$$).

4. You’ll Make Really Stupid Mistakes

For example, while driving through Chicago, we seemed to forget that our van was 8 ft tall. Without hesitation, we drove into an underground parking garage downtown.

You may have already guessed where this is going.

It took us all of 10 seconds and some horrible scraping & banging to realize we were definitely too tall for this garage. Unfortunately, we were already inside with the gate closed behind us. We were literally touching the ceiling and it got even lower in front of us. So how did we get out? We deflated the tires & rolled our van to safety.

Apparently this mistake is common among van-dwellers. Clearances are lower than you think.

5. Vanlife isn’t all that cheap.

In theory, vanlife is cheap as chips. It’s just groceries and gas right?? Kinda.

The first problem is that vans get about 15 MPG on a good day. So, gas adds up.

Secondly, between the breakdowns, the grocery runs, laundromats, & water refills you’re probably going to want to do a few things right? National Parks like Yosemite, the North Cascades, or the Badlands, maybe even eat at a restaurant or two to get a taste of the local food.

The truth is unless you’re living in your van full-time, 365 days a year, with no itinerary or never-ending bucketlist of places to see, you’re going to be moving frequently and shelling out the cash as you go.

We’ve averaged about $68 per day for two people. It’s not expensive by any means but it’s definitely not as cheap as long-term international travel.

If you LIVE in your van though you’re likely going to be moving less often. Which means your daily expenses will be lower. We took on the massive task of a cross-country foodie road trip in the US in 3 months.

6. Vanlife has a lot of errands.

I just hate chores. I hope you weren’t planning on working or relaxing in your van because real life hits you hard.

This is a list of chores we have to do every single day.

• Dishes (x3)
• Clean the sink & counters (otherwise things start to smell).
• Sweeping at least once. (How in god’s name does everything get so dusty/sandy)
• Put up window covers & undoubtedly fix them as the velcro peels off.
• Make our bed. The place just looks a mess without it.
• Coordinate a long enough drive to recharge the electric system OR play musical plug-ins to keep the fridge cold and not use all the power.
• Find a place to sleep for the night.
• Oh yeah & find a bathroom anytime you need to pee.

This is a list of additional chores that have to be done every three days.

• Discreetly empty the grey water bucket. (One of the worst vanlife smells)
• Refill our 6-gallon sink water & 3-gallon drinking water tanks.
• Find where I can refill those water tanks.
• Get gas. (definitely more often than once every three days)
• Shower. (I’ll get to this hassle later)
• Get rid of the trash.

& of course there’s laundry.

& I’m sure you’d like to plan some fun things to do somewhere in there as well. Don’t forget to make time for that.

Here’s a little extra about my two least favorite chores.

Endlessly doing dishes.

Dishes can’t sit in a van. There’s very little counter space. This means every time you cook you have to immediately do dishes. It gets old real fast.

Refilling the water.

Finding a place to refill the water is a hassle. Wal-Mart, Whole Foods, Winn Dixie, every state has different supermarkets and not all of them have water refills. We’ve learned to call places before we go. Then you have to haul out all your buckets and cart them into the store and haul them allllll the way back out.

7. Let’s talk smells.

Specifically, bad smells.

Everything smells worse in a small space. Onions wafting out everytime you open your fridge. Sweaty hiking socks. Laundry that only gets done once a month. Food hidden in your cupboards gone bad. Or the extra rancid grey water smell coming from your sink.

It’s tough. The only solution is to be really really clean. Organize your cupboards, scrub your sink, invest in a good laundry bag. Good luck.

8. Your Stuff is Clean, What About You?

I just love a good bag shower. Said probably no one ever.

To have a semi-decent bag shower you’ll need a warm day, no wind, time to heat the solar-bag, a semi-private location, and a little bit of luck.

Most of the time you’ll suffer through a hunched over, half-clothed, luke-warm, shower trickling out of the bag while you try to wash everything important.

I have a bit of a confession. I “shower” about once a week.

Enter baby wipes. Every night you gotta wipe. It’s the only way to survive the sweat and dirt of daily vanlife.

Disclaimer: It’s probably easier to shower in the summer or maybe not during times of COVID where public park restrooms are closed. But who knows. Florida was actually super easy to shower in because of all the beach showers for surfers. Florida & Utah were the easiest states for Vanlife in my opinion.

Shaving? Another fun van game.

Shaving in the shower is impossible when your water supply is severely limited. So have fun shaving on the floor of the van with a bowl of water. I’ve given up on silky smooth and have learned to accept a mild amount of stubble.

9. Your Nightly Parking Spot is Rarely Scenic.

Don’t get me wrong we’ve had some absolutely killer views out our van windows before.

But generally speaking, we’re sleeping in a crowded Wal-Mart or Holiday Inn parking lot. Or perhaps tucked into a residential neighborhood if we’re lucky.

Finding a place to park each night is a chore and I wrote a whole guide on how we find the best stealth camping spots. Because we refuse to pay for parking.

10. Sex.

Infrequent showers, shaving, and sleeping in crowded parking lots—doesn’t it just scream sexy.

This is gonna be a big adjustment for your sex life. You’ll find a way to make it work but just keep that little tidbit in mind.

11. You’re Going to Eat the Same Meals Over & Over.

Creative cooking went out the window on week one. Now we play the unsatisfying game of “what can we eat without pulling out all our cooking supplies”. I’ve eaten a lifetime supply of potato/egg hash and pasta in the past two months.

I would kill for an oven. Or a microwave.

12. You’ll Likely Have Questionable Refrigeration.

We have a cooler style fridge. Even with its low energy usage, it can zap a lot of power. & if you’re staying in one place for awhile you’re going to have to moderate your electricity. Which means unplugging the fridge from time to time.

Which means putting foods in ‘the danger zone”. We haven’t gotten sick yet but we try to stay away from purchasing meat to reduce the risk.

13. City Vanlife Feels Extra Difficult.

Crowded cities & street parking means you’ll have to put up your window covers whenever you’re inside your van. Which just makes your space seem even smaller. Finding parking is hard and finding overnight parking is even harder. You’ll definitely drive in circles for hours hating yourself for ever embarking on this vanlife adventure.

Also, where do people pee in cities?

14. Let Me Introduce You to the Pee Can.

Most of my real grievances of vanlife have to do with the bathroom.

Unless you can shell out $1,000 for a composting toilet (which I wouldn’t trust in my tiny van anyways), you probably started this journey thinking…”I’ll just pee at grocery stores & gas stations & in the wilderness, no problem at all.”

Wrong. Big Problem.

When I’m parked in a lot for the night, I can’t exactly just pee in the middle of the Holiday Inn parking lot. Or if I’m visiting NYC & nowhere has a bathroom. Or just the random times I need to pee…think about how many times in a day you have to go!

Spoiler Alert: All Vanlifers have a pee can.

Male or female. Gatorade container, coffee can, trash can, orange juice jug…pick your poison. I’ve even met people who tried a nighttime litterbox. I recommend something with a lid that can be easily and discreetly dumped immediately.

& if you’re not someone like me who never poops…you’re just shit outta luck.

If you’re a woman looking to make your peeing life a little easier I recommend investing in a She-Wee.

15. All My WiFi is From My Phone Hotspot.

I’ll end on a minor inconvenience. Wi-Fi is spotty. We didn’t spring for a booster or anything fancy here. We just rely on our phone hotspots and regular data plans. & if there isn’t any service. Oh well. We get to read instead of Netflix. Not a huge problem unless you plan on working on the road. In that case, you’re going to need to invest in a booster.

Don’t do vanlife. Wait, actually, that’s not what I’m saying. Not at all.

I love living in our van & all the adventures it has brought us. But it’s not all sunshine & roses and I feel like sometimes (as with anything travel-related) it can be portrayed that way. Before you invest in a van and commit to this lifestyle you should test it out and really take a hard look at the reality of vanlife. Evaluate if you think you can handle it. Or if you think you could enjoy it. Because that’s what really matters.

Think You Might be Interested in Vanlife?

Be sure to test it out first. Rent an RV & hit the open road. See if the minimalist life style is for you.

Building and living in our van has brought us so many cool experiences and I wouldn’t change it for anything. But I also wouldn’t recommend it for everyone. The reality of vanlife is messy. & unless you’re blowing a lot of money on a luxury conversion you’re going to be roughing it. We spent a modest amount on our conversion & although we love our van…the reality of vanlife is probably a little different than you imagined.

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