How to Survive Living the Van Life with Your Partner

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If you’ve been dreaming of van life for a while but terrified it would be the end of your relationship… you’re not alone. Aside from the cost of van life most travelers’ biggest concerns have to do with living in a van with your partner.

And I won’t lie, even though Evan & I are a kick-ass team and accustomed to traveling the world full-time together there were times (many) where we annoyed the bejeebus out of each other. Seeing as neither of us are sitting at a bus stop right now trying to hitch a ride home—we’ve clearly found a way to make it work.

Van life is hard. It’s messy, dirty, and unexpectedly difficult. Call me naive, but I had expected life on the open road to be all about freedom and exploration. In reality, you give up a lot of personal freedom to share a tiny space with your partner. & the small everyday annoyances of van life can quickly become hurdles to overcome in your relationship if you’re not on the same page.

Don’t get me wrong there are tons of benefits to van life. It provides freedom, financial independence, and of course, allowed us to travel through one of the most expensive countries in the world for $30 a day.

Here’s how we survived the van life as a couple and continue to love each other more every single day.

How to Survive Van Life with Your Partner

The truth is most of these tips for surviving van life with your partner can be applied in all walks of life. It’s just about fostering a more open and honest relationship.

Let’s Take a Look at Van Life as a Couple

Before we delve into the difficult days, let’s talk about why living in a van with your partner is so rewarding.

It will bring you so much closer.

Much like long-term travel, living in a van with your significant other can make or break a relationship. If you can learn to live on top of each other like this there is absolutely nothing you can’t handle.

You’ll also have the privilege of sharing new experiences all the time. The kind of stuff that gives you things to talk about until you’re shriveled and old. Shared experiences bring couples together.

Not to mention all the stunning scenery you’ll get to share on the road.

Is Van Life Right For Me?

This is where you need to be real with yourself. Van life is a trend. & Instagram makes it look glamorous. But it’s not.

You’ll go a week without a proper shower, be forced to pee in a can, and more often than not your overnight view will be a Wal-Mart Parking lot.

Read this blog post and decide if you think you can actually handle living in a van at all.

Be sure that you & your partner are on the same page. Because if this isn’t something you both want it’s bound to build resentment.

Give the Van Life a Test Drive.

The good news is….you don’t have to jump into van life blind.

There are loads of companies that offer RV or Van rentals for your next road trip. My personal favorite for RV’s is RVShare because they are budget-friendly and since you’re renting rigs from locals you’ll find rentals ALL OVER the United States.

11 Tips for Van Life as a Couple

Now that you’re ready to give this lifestyle a try & join the van life movement, let’s take a look at some actionable van living tips so you don’t kill each other after a few days on the road.

1. Vanlife Won’t Solve Your Problems.

It will amplify existing ones. Relax, it’s not going to break up any solid relationships. But those cracks that you’ve done your very best to smooth over & hide without actually addressing in your relationship will resurface.

Get your shit sorted before you hit the road. Or it can get ugly fast.

2. Always Split the Work Load

You can do this two ways.

1. Alternate days so you’re both doing your fair share of the dishes, sweeping, water-filling, & general cleaning.

or

2. Agree to divvy up tasks & keep them throughout the course of the trip. This is how Evan and I function for the most part. He fills the main water tank–I fill the drinking buckets. I do the cooking–he does the majority of the dishes. It’s a trade-off system.

The important factor is that you agree upon it ahead of time. There are a surprising amount of chores associated with living in a van. & sharing that small space with your partner things can get dirtier quicker.

3. Be Clean & Organized

While we’re on the subject. Get organized. Living with another human is hard. & you have to be as clean as the cleanest person in the van (Evan).

This meant I had to step up what I consider ‘clean’. Unless I wanted to drive him absolutely bonkers and set us up for a stressful van life.

Unless you’re both a hot mess. In that case, do your own thing. But typically, one person is cleaner than the other.

4. Foster Open Communication

This is key to a healthy relationship on the road. & honestly, any healthy relationship.

You should talk about your expectations before you go & plan the itinerary together before you hit the road. You’re partners and making decisions together while feeling like your voice is heard is a major part of a successful relationship.

You’ll need this skill highly developed on the road. When setbacks occur it can cause some heated arguments if you aren’t on the same team.

& if you’re not comfortable enough with your partner to openly communicate then van life probably isn’t for you.

5. Get Used to Spending Day & Night Together

Privacy is a thing of the past. Living in a van with your partner quickly dissolves all previous relationship barriers. Now even going to the bathroom is no secret. It’s a lot of ‘us’ time.

This isn’t really something you can prepare for. You just need to be aware that if you choose to live in a van with your partner you are giving up A LOT of personal space and you have to be happy spending that much time together.

6. Schedule Time Apart

But please do schedule time apart.

Many mornings after we’ve boiled water and pressed our coffee, I’ll retreat to the bed area to write or read depending on my mood while Evan will grab the yoga mat and jog to a park or beach where he can get in an early morning workout. Just this hour to ourselves is enough to keep us sane.

Find time throughout the day to do something on your own. Whether it’s as simple as taking a walk or exploring a museum your partner has no interest in. Or reading a book by the beach.

7. Get Outside

The key to sanity & happiness. For most people, one of the big draws of living in a van is the ability to get out in nature. & stay there.

Living in a tiny box isn’t fun for anyone so you have to get outside it.

Hiking & exploring with your partner is a great bonding activity and always eases the stress of living in a van. (I highly recommend a Utah Big 5 Road Trip for plenty of outdoor adventures.)

8. Make Friends With Other Van Lifers

Van life is a community. & you don’t have to always be alone with each other.

Join some van life facebook groups and seek out fellow van lifers on the road. Make some road friends so you have other people to talk to in the evenings besides just each other.

9. Let your Partner Do Their Thing

Sometimes you won’t be on the same page. Sometimes your partner will want to clean the van at the crack of dawn or make a midnight snack.

Not the end of the world when you’re living in a house. But in a van, it’s hard not to be disruptive while you’re rustling through the snack food bags and eating 3 feet away.

It will be a huge lesson in patience but you gotta just let some things go. It’s those little things that bring your partner joy and make van living easier on them.

10. Find Podcasts You Both Love

I’m not a fan of “the driver controls the radio” mentality. If you both want to stay sane & happy on the road find some shared musical interests or shared podcast interests.

We’re big on the true-crime, adventure travel, and scientific podcasts. Browse our blog post that outlines all the Van Life Essentials for a few good podcast recommendations.

11. Talk Money

I know this is a sticky subject for many couples but bear with me here.

Van life isn’t all the cheap.

Not if you’re planning on actually traveling in the van and not just living in a van with your partner.

Even converting your camper van can have costs that add up.

You have to have the same budget plan. This means you’ll have to openly communicate (communication coming in again here) what you’re willing to spend on the build & day-to-day van life.

Evan and I share all our banking accounts. Once we quit our day jobs it just became easier for us to pool our money and stop thinking about what’s mine & what’s his. You’ll have to very open financially for this structure to work. & it’s not for everyone.

You could create a joint account specifically for the van trips and contribute equal amounts of money.

You could keep track of shared expenses like gas, water, groceries, etc. on an app like TripCoin & split them.

Whatever situation you’re most comfortable with– just go with it & stick to the budget agreed upon.

Is Van Life Worth It?

Abso-fricken-lutely!!

Is it hard sometimes? Sure. But that doesn’t make it any less rewarding or freeing. I love living in a van with my partner and I feel very fortunate that we work well enough as a team to live this lifestyle.

But if you try it and can’t live in a van with your partner… don’t feel like your relationship is a failure. Van life simply isn’t for everyone.

Here Are Some Great Trips to Take as a Couple, When You’re Ready.

These are my absolute favorite road trips we’ve taken over the years. Because sometimes you just need to do something spectacular to remind you why van living with your partner is so worth it.

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